All In.

WOW – it has been a very long time since you have heard from me, let me update you on my life..

I have not had the passion to write in a very long time, I got tired of expressing myself online to people who (lets be honest) had no idea what I was going through. Yes, writing helped me a little but it didn’t take the health issues away or make them any less real. I went back and reread some of my blogs posts and just began to weep, man is life different now. I am ashamed of myself for going back to the person I was before getting sick – the person who focused on herself, who got caught up in selfish things, a person who I know is not me. I know what you’re thinking, “Karlie, don’t be so hard on yourself, you were sick for so long you need to focus on yourself.” And you are right, I have, but when does focusing on yourself become unhealthy or too much? BUT if you don’t worry enough here comes those awful insecurities; I got stuck in a season of not good enough. Insecurities ruled my life for almost six months, six months I struggled with this terrible demon. Back and forth my mind would fight with my flesh about things that no one cared about, things that do not matter. Then when you struggle with insecurities you struggle with trust issues, because if you can’t trust yourself who can you trust? EVERY single issue from your past decides to creep up on you and remind you of all the hurt you have ever experienced just so you “won’t forget.” What if I want to forget? You can say life has hit me head on, real adult life stuff. If it isn’t one thing it’s another right?

W R O N G – I refuse to live this way!

I have always been a person to stay positive and that has not changed at all, “phew.” If it was not for having a good outlook on life I would not have made it through these last few years of my life. I am now almost 100% healthy and I am living life one day at a time. I realized at a young age not to plan your future too far ahead, because sometimes God has a completely different plan for your life. Yes, like any almost 20 year old (oh my) I have insecurities and trust issues, but I remind myself everyday that is not my identity.

U P D A T E –  I am still in school at Bevill State Community College and I change my major every single day (my parents love that). I still have a great job that I am thankful for everyday. I get to drive and sing as loud as I want. I believe I have finally found the gift God has created me to do and that is lead worship – boy do I love it. What an honor it is to be used as a vessel to enter in God’s presence. I will not be writing a lot like I used too (I am busy now), but I am going to try harder, make an effort if you will.

I say all this to say, don’t give up. Your right now is not your forever. And right now in my life, I am happier than I have ever been, life is overall – G O O D!