My Story!

Hi everyone, this is my first blog and I just want to start by telling you my story. My name is Karlie Stough, I’m 18 years old and I live in Alabama. I want my blog to inspire people to see the positive side in every situation and show you how I constantly have to do this day to day. I want my blog to give you constant updates on my life and how I am getting better one day at a time. So here we go.. In September, 2016 on a Sunday I came home from church after morning service very sick; I had the stomach virus. I had been throwing up all night long non-stop it seemed. My mom had given me some medicine to stop the throwing up and to let me get some rest. I remember sleeping for what seemed like hours until I randomly woke up around 12am begging my mom to let me take a shower.. (I’m still wondering why) I stepped into the shower and remember feeling lightheaded and I was seeing black everywhere. I then said “God please just don’t let me pass out, please don’t let me pass out.” When I woke up my mom and sister had carried me out of the shower and laid me on the bathroom floor. My mom was yelling for my dad to call an ambulance because this wasn’t normal (obviously.)

After getting dressed my entire family got in the car and rushed me to the hospital. I remember walking in and seeing my mom’s face terrified of the situation, but little did she know this was only the beginning. The doctor rushed me back as soon as we got there, and of course started tests. The doctor was asking me every question he could think of.. 1. Did you hit your head? 2. Did you get knocked out? 3. Have you ever passed out before? 4. Are you sick? ECT. I couldn’t remember much of anything but I told the doctor my head didn’t hurt at all. My mom had told him I was knocked out when I passed out, she told him when her and my sister pulled me out of the shower my eyes were open. (What a scary way to see your child) The doctor then put me in a wheelchair to take a cat scan, I did indeed have a concussion. I came back into my room to find my mom crying and scared, I knew I had to be strong for her. My doctor came in and said I just passed out from the virus and that the water was too hot, the medicine had made my blood pressure drop. But this was not what had happened at all..

A few months later I went to Six Flags with my church youth group. I was walking with a few of my friends to ride the Batman, but I felt my body becoming SO tired.. Why couldn’t I keep up with my friends? As we got on the ride I was just like any other kid; excited, yelling, and laughing. As the first loop came around I found myself feeling the same way I did a few months back.. lightheaded, scared, and saying to myself “please not again.” It all went blank and I had passed out on the rollercoaster ride. My friend Macey told me she looked over to see me hanging my head and she tried to wake me up. When I woke up we were coming to a stop to get off the ride, but I didn’t even remember it starting? My friend Dash carried me to a picnic table where I slept for an hour waiting for everyone to meet up to eat again. What was happening to me?

I begin to pass out more and more until I sat down with my mom and told her “something is seriously wrong.” We started this journey with my primary doctor, he refereed me to a cardiologist at Grandview Medical Center. This doctor become a huge part of my life, I seen him almost once every two weeks. I took my first tilt table test.. man was it rough. The nurses strapped me to a table and made me lay there for thirty minutes. I remember them coming into the room and telling me “Okay Karlie are you ready?” I had no idea what was about to happen.. The nurses told me it would last for thirty to forty five minutes. Then the test started; they turned the table up as if I was standing. At minute six I told them “Im going to throw up, please just get me down.” The nurses told me it would be okay and started to bring me a trash can when it happened once again.. the room went black and I passed out. When I woke I was throwing up (still on the table.) The nurses were panicking and so was I. They called my doctor in and my mom to go over the results of the test. They showed my doctor everything and he started to tell me and my mom what had happened. “At minute six her heart stopped, for two seconds. Her blood pressure dropped so low we couldn’t even take it. Her heart rate dropped so low we couldn’t get a reading. You have something we call Dysautonomia.” Dysautonomia is a disease that effects the autonomic nervous system and cannot be cured. It drops your blood pressure and makes your heart rate go crazy and makes your body go blank; pass out.  This was the start of my new life.

I want to share my story and let everyone be apart of it so you can all witness my healing process. I want to bring positivity to people struggling, even if its just one person. I want people to know there is hope, even when you can’t see it there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I want my story to inspire people, and it would be selfish of me to not share it. Stay tuned as I write updates, continue to share my story, and release hope to people who think they are alone. You’re not alone!

 

 

All In.

WOW – it has been a very long time since you have heard from me, let me update you on my life..

I have not had the passion to write in a very long time, I got tired of expressing myself online to people who (lets be honest) had no idea what I was going through. Yes, writing helped me a little but it didn’t take the health issues away or make them any less real. I went back and reread some of my blogs posts and just began to weep, man is life different now. I am ashamed of myself for going back to the person I was before getting sick – the person who focused on herself, who got caught up in selfish things, a person who I know is not me. I know what you’re thinking, “Karlie, don’t be so hard on yourself, you were sick for so long you need to focus on yourself.” And you are right, I have, but when does focusing on yourself become unhealthy or too much? BUT if you don’t worry enough here comes those awful insecurities; I got stuck in a season of not good enough. Insecurities ruled my life for almost six months, six months I struggled with this terrible demon. Back and forth my mind would fight with my flesh about things that no one cared about, things that do not matter. Then when you struggle with insecurities you struggle with trust issues, because if you can’t trust yourself who can you trust? EVERY single issue from your past decides to creep up on you and remind you of all the hurt you have ever experienced just so you “won’t forget.” What if I want to forget? You can say life has hit me head on, real adult life stuff. If it isn’t one thing it’s another right?

W R O N G – I refuse to live this way!

I have always been a person to stay positive and that has not changed at all, “phew.” If it was not for having a good outlook on life I would not have made it through these last few years of my life. I am now almost 100% healthy and I am living life one day at a time. I realized at a young age not to plan your future too far ahead, because sometimes God has a completely different plan for your life. Yes, like any almost 20 year old (oh my) I have insecurities and trust issues, but I remind myself everyday that is not my identity.

U P D A T E –  I am still in school at Bevill State Community College and I change my major every single day (my parents love that). I still have a great job that I am thankful for everyday. I get to drive and sing as loud as I want. I believe I have finally found the gift God has created me to do and that is lead worship – boy do I love it. What an honor it is to be used as a vessel to enter in God’s presence. I will not be writing a lot like I used too (I am busy now), but I am going to try harder, make an effort if you will.

I say all this to say, don’t give up. Your right now is not your forever. And right now in my life, I am happier than I have ever been, life is overall – G O O D!

Welcome Back World!

HELLO EVERYONE! 

It takes 30 days to break a habit, good or bad. I have taken 30 days to myself; off of social media, away from all things internet, and truly focused on life. I believe focusing on yourself is SUCH  a must, your mental health is just as important as your physical health.  I want to share what I have accomplished on this short journey. These 30 days have taught me self control, patience, and discipline. I have never been so stress free / care free in my life. I never realized how much my life was consumed by social media and even the impact it had made on me. I spent all my time on social media, worrying what people thought, comparing myself to others. I now don’t feel like I have to have my phone right beside me to be okay, because I know I’ll be fine. You may read this and think “wow, this is dumb, it’s just social media..” and you’re right it is, but our generation is addicted to our phones, so breaking out of that mold is a huge deal!!

In these 30 days my sister got married! GUYS, I now have a brother. Marriage is such a beautiful thing, two becoming one. The wedding went was stunning, the food was great, and a tornado came and went.. what a day! My sister finally has a last name people can pronounce..

I have also decided to get more involved with worship leading – what an amazing opportunity I have been given. I know my true passion is leading people into an atmosphere of worship with the father, such a beautiful thing.

I GOT A JOB! After applying to several different places, getting no response, going on interviews, still no response.. I finally got a great job. I now work at Jasper Academy DayCare which is great for me, because I adore children. God knew exactly what He was doing when no other jobs called me back.. oh that patience.

Many amazing things have happened  in these past 30 days just from me killing a little part of my flesh to focus on greater things. I highly suggest a break from social media, I feel less stressed, worry free, and now I know I don’t have to compare myself to other people, because I’m focusing on the best version of ME.

Time

Time.

Time doesn’t slow down or stop for anyone/anything.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with time; not trying to be on a schedule or running late, not basic time issues. But real time issues.

Life doesn’t give us an option, it doesn’t let us decide if we want to live in a moment forever or keep on moving. Sometimes I love that about time, some moments I never want to stay in. But there are some moments I wish would slow down, not even really stop.

My sister is getting married in forty something days, she moves out even sooner. My sister has moved out before – let me give you a little back story. When my sister was in her second year of college she decided it would be best to move to The University of West Alabama to contain her studies, which meant goodbye roommate. I was going through one of the hardest times in my life and my sister moved three hours away – I was angry. I remember my mom leaving to go help my sister unpack and get her dorm straightened up and I refused to go, but I never let anyone know how mad I was. NOW, my sister is only moving thirty minutes away and I will probably be at her house half of the time, so we’re off to a good start. But time is flying.

If we were stuck in a moment forever would we become angry or frustrated, or would we even notice? My speech teacher told us last week we miss out on half of the world everyday just by not noticing what is around us. We tend to focus on what we have to do, or where we are going that we don’t stop and take in the world. If we were stuck in a moment life would be so boring. But why can’t it just slow down?

So many changes are happening right now in my life and I haven’t even realized it until I was laying in my floor the other night and began to burst into tears – life finally caught up to me, I finally seen the world around me. Do you ever try to push things to the bottom of your memory just so you don’t have to face them at that moment? I am the world’s BEST at this, until it all catches up to you at the same time.

No matter how much you want life to slow down, or stop time, it doesn’t – it never will. So take a look around you, notice the world, because you will never get this exact moment back. Time can either be on your side or your worst enemy, but don’t live too long in one moment – life was never intended to last forever.

 

A Love from the Father

Happy Day of Love everyone – Happy Valentines Day!

Valentines Day has always been my least favorite holiday, I just really do not care for it / like it. I have always questioned why we take a day out of the entire year to celebrate loving people when we are supposed to do that everyday. But isn’t that the same thing with Easter and Christmas too?

So this year I decided to be less of a Valentines humbug and actually appreciate the day and all of its worth – embrace it to the fullest. Today I don’t want to get caught up in earthly relationships though; do not get me wrong I will tell my people I love them, but I want to dig a little deeper than that today.

This morning I decided to explore God’s love for us – truly how much He loves us. (it seems like the perfect day to research) So I began to do just that, I simply typed in the question on google “How much does God love us?” and this is what came up

“Love is pure. The same love that God has for us, He asks us to have for one another (John 13:34).

If we were to love others as God loves us, there would be no turmoil, no wars, no fights over territory, no stealing, no killings, no crime, no backstabbing, and no ill-will towards one’s neighbor. Peace and rest would rule the day.

But humankind has trouble seeing the big picture when it ignores God’s love.

Our God is incredibly merciful. His heart is consumed by His love for us. Just as He holds up the world with His love, we hold Him up in our hearts with the very same love.

Love is more than a feeling. It is the substance of God’s nature.

God created us for fellowship, with a free will to make decisions, be there are right and wrong. His love won’t allow Him to give up on us.

He hates the sin, not the sinner.

I didn’t have to better myself for God to love me. He already did.

I didn’t have to make a deal with God in exchange for His love. He already loved me.

I didn’t have to be the perfect man to win God’s favor. He wrapped me up in love before I was even born.

I couldn’t buy “more love” if I wanted to. God gives me all the love He has through His son, Jesus.

Like a loving parent, He encourages us, teaches us, shows us the way to righteousness, a road that is an alternative to death. He chastises us when we do wrong, provides for us, comforts us, and sets us apart as His people.”

We do not deserve such a love as this, we will never fully understand how much God loves us, we can never comprehend it. Today it doesn’t matter if you’re in an earthly relationship or not, you have the only real relationship that matters – you and the father. His love is enough for me, His love is all I will ever need.

Playing a Game of Comparison

UPDATE: Tomorrow will be seven weeks since I have passed out last. I am slowly but surely gaining more and more independence. I just applied for a job, (fingers crossed it works out). I also am going to the gym and pushing myself to a healthier lifestyle. Im doing good guys – THANK YOU GOD.

I wanna talk today about something that God has really been speaking strongly to me the past couple of weeks and that is playing a game of comparison. Being a teenage girl growing up in todays society it seems like we are always trying to measure up to someone, even something. We try to have their clothes, their style, even their life – but WHY?

I’ve even seen myself struggle with this in church a lot. The enemy will try to put stuff in my head saying “if you don’t worship like that person your worship isn’t where it needs to be”, or “you don’t sing as good as that person so you should not even lead worship.” Comparing yourself to others only leads to self-insecurity and brings a lack of unity in the body of Christ.

I even find myself at times pushing myself away from the body of Christ because I’m playing a game of comparison with myself – not even other people. I catch myself comparing myself to the old me – “remember when you were like this in church?”, “remember when you had it all together?” AGAIN, those are spoken lies from the enemy trying to mess with my mind. NO – I am not who I was a year ago, I’m not even who I was last week and THANK GOD I’m not – I am growing.

I believe each and every person was made original – unique. God did not make us in another persons image, but HIS OWN image. THAT IS POWERFUL GUYS. Why are we trying to compare ourselves to other people when we are made in the image of the most perfect God? Sometimes we don’t really understand how much he cares for us enough to make us in HIS image. God cares for us enough to make each person with their own personality, own features, even own talents just to show us how much he likes ME FOR ME.

I do not ever want to be caught in game of comparison when I was made to stand out – be myself. NO – I am not perfect, but who is? If I want to compare my life to anyone I want to start comparing it to Jesus – “how can I be more Christlike?”, “how can I live a life that pleases him and not man?” These are questions we should be asking ourselves, not “how can I become more like the world?” We we’re not created in man’s image – but God’s.

If it Wasn’t For You – My FAMILY

UPDATE: I. Am. Back. – I am driving once again; it will be six weeks this Wednesday since the last time I have passed out. I still have days that are worse than others, but passing out does not occur like it used too. I am now on no medication whatsoever – God has literally been healing me all on His on and He deserves ALL the glory. I couldn’t be happier with life right now and I couldn’t begin to understand but I know that God is still pouring out His healing.

I cannot imagine the feeling my parents have now, going from watching their youngest child struggle daily, to finally getting to live a somewhat normal life. I can feel their fear from a mile away, but can I really blame them? I have no idea what it is like from their perspective to see their child suffer. I have no idea what it feels like to watch their child drive away in a car and putting all your trust in God to keep them safe. I see happiness once again in our house, I can feel a sense of relief rush over them when I get up to take a few steps without falling down. We finally feel whole again, not constantly worrying about what the day might bring because we know we will make it, it will be okay.

After everything my family has been through, I now see a brand new family. I see a family that has overcame so much hardship, but never stopped believing that one day if we keep hanging on, it’ll get better. I really don’t think I could have made it through any of this long hard times without the constant reassurance from my loving family. I thank them for carrying me when I couldn’t walk, catching me overtime I fell down, and never ceasing to remind me to never give up.

This all feels like a dream, a beautiful, amazing dream. But then I realize it’s not just dream I have been dreaming for so long, it is finally my reality.

– to my loving family.

On the Path to Recovery

UPDATE: This week will be 5 WEEKS since I have passed out last. If you do not know this means I will be able to start driving next week. PRAISE YOU JESUS!

Im excited to say I am applying for some jobs around town next week! I am super excited about having something that gets me out of the house everyday and keeps me occupied; a job will do me some good.. (and of course have some cash).

I am also happy to say I am now doing one class at the Bevill Campus in Jasper at night. I honestly did not think this would be possible for me my freshman year, but God never ceases to amaze me.

Last Wednesday, I had tonsil removal surgery and it has been pretty rough I must say. Me and mom were both concerned with doing this surgery while I have this disease, but if you know me you know I got strep, or a sore throat at least once a month; so it was much needed. My disease has not effected my surgery at all – my doctor that did my surgery was concerned about me being able to drink all the water I needed to make a full recovery, but great news – I have drank way more water than expected. Sadly, I have not ate any food in six days, liquids only. I am STARVING.. all I want is a small list really. Sushi, Nachos from Los Reyes, Rice and Cheese (Mexican food), and Chicken Wings. I can tell my breathing is SO MUCH better, it’s crazy how good I can breathe now. I also haven’t been able to talk for six days, (which you know has been hard for me lol) BUT, today it has been slowly making a comeback, not 100% but even a little is better than hand motions. My family surprising told me they missed hearing my voice.. lol so sweet.

Day five, yesterday, was the absolute worst day for me; usually my throat doesn’t hurt unless I swallow or eat ice cream, or a popsicle. But yesterday, the pain was horrible and nonstop.  I cried from the time I woke up until the time I went to sleep. Sleep  is not common right now – I have to wake up every three hours to take medicine and take a drink of water so my throat stays wet (if it gets dry the pain is worse). But today I feel great, it is getting much better, slowly but surely.

Enjoy this picture of me and my mom before I went back to surgery – I was not a fan of this hair cap.

 

I Am in Control of MY Emotions

I never realized how hard it was to be positive all the time, I think I am a pretty positive person but some days I just don’t want to be. I strongly believe we are the creators of our moods; either we can choose to be happy and positive and have a great day or we can be down and negative and have a not so great day.

Why would people purposely ruin their own day? I don’t get it.. If you have the power to have a fantastic day why wouldn’t you choose happiness every time? I am for sure not saying I am perfect and I choose positivity every single minute of every single day but I’ve found myself choosing happiness now more than ever. We live in a world where so many bad things are happening, yes – but if we only focus on the bad, we will never see the good.

Often times I have to tell myself “think positive”, or “I choose happiness” because we’re human, we struggle on a daily basis. I get it, we have bad days, but if one bad day is turning into a bad week, a bad month, even a bad year, we need to look not on the situations happening around us, but ourselves.

The enemy has a very weird way of trying to constantly be in control of our emotions. Today I was talking to my mom about not passing out for a few weeks and I said “I would just be okay with passing out once every few months.” And my mom replied back with “Why does the enemy do that to you Karlie? Why does he tell you it would be okay if you only passed out once a month? We are believing in COMPLETE healing and our God will settle at nothing less.” Isn’t that exactly what the enemy wants me to believe? He want’s me to believe that complete healing is too far out of my reach, but in reality I know my God will not stop until I am completely whole again.

Normal, I feel Normal

UPDATE: TWO WEEKS – it has been two weeks since I passed out last, TWO WEEKS! That might not be a huge deal to most people, but for someone who used to pass out every single day that is a HUGE deal.

It seems so unreal that my family and doctors are now talking about letting me drive in a few weeks, I could cry from overwhelming joy. I am starting to feel like my old self again, I feel like the old me. Of course I will never be the same person I was, I feel myself coming back to the carefree, happy Karlie I once was. I cannot explain the sense of peace I now have going out places – before I was scared to even go outside because the fear of passing out and getting sick. Now, I want to go everywhere, do everything! Now when I go places I forget that I am even sick, I feel normal. WOW, it feels amazing to feel normal.

My birthday was recently – it was a fantastic weekend, full of friends, laughter, and cake. I am now in my last year of teens, (19) I am so very blessed to see another year. I decree and declare that this year will be a year of TOTATL healing for me, emotionally and physically. I will not stop until  see myself completely healthy again and I know everyone around me will not stop until that is accomplished either.

I have big plans for this year – I want to go get a gym membership and get healthier all around, not just food wise. I like to do simple workouts at home just to stay active but I have always loved going to the gym and pushing myself to be better. I also want to get a job – wow I want a job so bad. I remember going to Walmart a few months ago with my mom, we were checking out and the girl at the cash register was complaining about having to work a double. I began to feel bad so I told my mom “I have to go sit down.” The girl at the cash register asked my mom if I was okay, my mom told her what was wrong with me and she like everyone does said the only thing they know to say in that moment, “I’m so sorry.” She asked my mom if I was able to work, my mom told her “no, but she would be so excited to work a double..” Im sure once I get a job I will complain eventually, but I for sure will never take it for granted like I used too.

So with all of this being said, It feels awesome to feel NORMAL – sometimes it’s okay to feel normal, even great other times. I am overjoyed to feel normal, not different. I LOVE BEING NORMAL!!

PS: (this is a picture of me before I was sick, just living my life, being a cool kid. I like this picture a lot)

Looking Through a Different Lens

Hello Everyone, I have taken some time away to regroup and focus on myself, but I am back and ready to write! I have decided to stop the writing challenge and get back to writing about my views on certain things and what is happening in my life – TODAY.

I want to write about different views and a new perspective on the way we see things. If any of you watch “This is Us” you know that a new episode just came on last night and the character Randal talked about how him and his siblings looked through different lenses from how they thought their childhood went. In this scene Randal begin to say “I remember getting glasses for the first time and I felt like I never truly seen the world until then.” And this phrase spoke volumes to me – before getting sick with my disease I never truly seen the world, yes I lived in it, but I focused on myself – I now have a new perspective on life. I would judge people not even thinking about why they could be doing the things they are doing.

For example, I would see people taking forever to walk or move fast in a mall somewhere and think “really walk faster, or move” now I look and think “that person could have a hurt leg, or get out of breath walking a long distance.. (like me).”  Or I would see kids acting up and think “they should know better, they should have more self control” when in reality we don’t know how they have been raised or even who they have been raised by who could be doing their absolute best.

Im saying that to say, everyone looks at the world through a different lens; my childhood could have looked a certain way through my eyes and a completely different way through my mom’s eyes -AND THAT IS OKAY. It may even take certain things to happen to us to make our perspective on life switch – AND THAT IS ALSO OKAY. I really do believe that God allows certain things in our life to happen to make us focus on other things. I do not want to be the person who judges people because I’m looking at life through a selfish lens, or an ungrateful lens.

Isn’t it amazing that when we got saved we put on a new lens – a new pair of eyes? We now see the world through a brand new view. What was blurry before suddenly became clear. Life began to have meaning, it began to come into focus with the vision of God. God sees the “bigger picture” when we don’t see it sometimes. He sees our life through a different lens. I never want to see life without these lenses again!